Monday, July 21, 2014

the day job

I am reporting from the Whine Mine on the day BEFORE the full Flower Moon - the moon of compassion and healing. I can't wait until tonight!!!

The Scene & the Players:

Young Miss-On-the-Job in upscale mall ragshop approaches three customers who are busily pawing through the piles of $50 graphic T's straight from the child labor sweatshops back East somewhere.

Sig-MOMMA, per her neck tattoo (size 22, platinum teeth and a diamond studded ear piece blinking frantically) complains loudly and profanely to Young Miss-On-the-Job and her phone that there is nothing in this store in her size and it's DIZCRIMINASHUN! 

Meanwhile, BUGZY (face piercings, bald head, giant plastic breasts) is busy at the T table stuffing stacks of shirts into her booster bag, but her erstwhile assistant/lookout, ANGELFACE (tiger face tats, three different colored wiglets and 2" red toenails hanging out her sandals) has fainted away under the same table - the drugs finally kicked in!

Sig-MOMMA switches deftly over from her lawyer to call 911 and uses the distraction to stuff a full stack of shirts down the back of her spandex shirt as if Young Miss-On-the-Job was carrying a white cane and walking a harnessed German shepherd. “WHAT &#$@! HUMP? ARE YOU DISSING MY @%$# PERSON??!”

Young Miss-On-the-Job has gotten nervous and pushed her Panic Button summoning Mall Security and as they come through the front door, BUGZY takes out her Taser for self defense and accidentally tases Sig-MOMMA who's earpiece shorts out setting her blond helmet afire.

Overcome with anxiety and lattes, Young Miss-On-the-Job vomits on ANGLEFACE who revives, rolls over and bites BUGZY on the ankle. Sig-MOMMA is busy stomping out her smoldering wig, one mallcop has handcuffed the sleeping ANGELFACE to his partner's leg as EMS arrives on the scene and takes over.

BUGZY fled the scene with approximately $900 worth of merchandise and Young Miss-on-the-Job complains about having to phone in the report AFTER she has clocked out and she wants to be reimbursed for her Kung Pao rabbit & three iced mochaccinos - $44.99 and another teeth whitening session, $110.00. End of report.

(When do I get my Fox Pilot and Which of the Tramps of NJ will play the part of Young-Miss-on-the-Job? Stay tuned - DISCLAIMER - the preceding was overheard and here paraphrased from a meeting at a local Borders "Writers At Large" meeting. The topic of discussion was "New Stir Fry recipes using rejection slips for extra fiber" but the speaker was successful and without credence.-ed)