I was celebrating my blood pressure being normal for the first time in memory, at the grocery store, of course.

I dumped everything out of the basket onto the belt at the register. The commander at this checkout was a 40ish woman with her red hair in braids and pale pink lipstick. She was either bold as hell or a time traveler. The bag boy, a very small teenager from somewhere in the middle east, name tagged "ELVIS", slouched at the end of the counter.

Together we studied my choices; Doritos, raw cookie dough, two six packs of beer, a pound of roast beef, a bag of pizza rolls, salsa and a quart of coffee ice cream.

"Looks like a frat party." she said "You got everything but the condoms".

(Cue the rimshot)

"Aisle six." said Elvis.

It was a three-way, silent eyeball showdown to see who would laugh first.

  I lost. 

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